You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
