allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
