You're earring is so big in my mouth
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
