you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
