Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
