the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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