no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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