I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
