i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
