my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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