She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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