He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
