The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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