apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.