then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
