So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her