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that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
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