They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
third nipple confirmed
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist