shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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