I think my vagina is haunted
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
