I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
