My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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