he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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