I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
