There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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