Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
