Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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