My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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