Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
