No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
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I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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