shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We left an ass print on the piano.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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