There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
