We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The Olympian is in my bed
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
