its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
