she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
