you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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