that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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