How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
