I faked an abortion last night.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
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she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
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I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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