Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I FOUND THE LEGS
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
