dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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