if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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