The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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