When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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