Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
