i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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