i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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