Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
