Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
