I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
