I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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