Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
