My Higher Power is John Stamos
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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