What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She announced her abortion via fbk
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
