My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Let's get the cat blown out
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
