I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
its not stalking. its research.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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