She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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