just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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