"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
