The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
