Your mouth is God's brothel.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
