HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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