Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
