I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
