final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
