i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
