i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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