I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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