my sisters under your porch take her home
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
