Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
