I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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