I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
