Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
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When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
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Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
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