We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize