just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
