I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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