UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
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