I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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