We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
