I love black thongs
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
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i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
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Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
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